Blame as a Service

Blame as a Service is dedicated to helping you or your organization handle tough situations that really shouldn't be your problem.

Today's world is full of complex challenges — professional, personal, and political. Everybody makes mistakes, and nobody can anticipate everything that might go wrong. Why should you have to take the blame for all that?

With Blame as a Service, you can avoid the nasty consequences of any bothersome problems, and get back to what's really important: You.

You wake up late Monday morning and realize you've slept through an important presentation to a potential client. How do you avoid getting blamed for sinking the new contract? Blame as a Service can ensure that someone else takes the fall.

Your fiancé's father reminds you that her birthday is tomorrow. You forgot to make reservations at her favorite restaurant. How do you keep yourself out of the doghouse? Blame as a Service can make you look like a sympathetic victim of irresponsible restaurant staff.

A former co-worker is threatening to blow the whistle on all the money you both embezzled out of your company last year. How can you protect yourself from time-consuming investigations and auditing? Blame as a Service can focus accusations of impropriety where they belong — on someone else.

Your legal department is telling you that the state has damning evidence of your company dumping toxic waste in a local park. How can you prevent costly interruptions to your business? Blame as a Service can find, or create, a local waste disposal company to take the blame for you.

In most cases, your problem can be explained away with a creative story and a trivial witness or piece of evidence. Blame as a Service employs a team of top-notch writers, skilled in creating realistic, believable fiction; dedicated actors and actresses - and makeup experts - to corroborate any story; and engineers and artists to fabricate any necessary material evidence.

More challenging blame services may require falsified identities — identities which will hold up to investigative scrutiny. Blame as a Service uses a combination of forged documentation and legal loopholes to ensure that any invented persons, whether they're key players in a story or the targets of blame themselves, won't raise any undue suspicions from the police or a third-party investigator.

In extreme cases, blame may be too big to lay on a few individuals. Blame as a Service has the commercial and political connections to create shell corporations at a moment's notice — complete with historic tax records, boards of directors, and public representatives. Blame as a Service is prepared to shift your blame to someone else, no matter how big it is.

• Scheduled Blame: Know in advance when you'll need someone else to take the blame? Let us know what the fall is and when it will land, and Blame as a Service will make all the arrangements for you.
   
• Immediate Blame: Sometimes blame is unexpected; but that's no problem with Blame as a Service. We can take immediate action on a problem, even retroactively, to rewrite the blame and make sure everyone remembers that it wasn't your fault.
   
• Blame Subscriptions: High-risk careers or industries may run into frequent problems with blame. A subscription to Blame as a Service will not only save you money for bulk blame services, but will also get you access to our premium line of blame support.

It's natural to be suspicious of a service like ours, but don't worry — Blame as a Service takes customer security and privacy very seriously. All of our records are anonymized, and our staff is instructed to resist any outside attempts to reveal information about our clients.

Blame as a Service is so secure and reliable, we use it ourselves!

DANNY THE INTERN WAS SUPPOSED TO MAKE THIS FORM

Coming soon!